Robin Hood

 

What Jack Says...

I'm not going to spend much time on this because honestly it really isn't worth it. This isn't your Kevin Costner Robin Hood and that's why it sucked. No not really, but it was boring. It took forever to get started. Ridley Scott is the worst director when it comes to action sequences. He really needs to take some lessons from Mel Gibson when it comes to that shit, because he has some shaky camera shit you wouldn't imagine. 

Kate Blanchett was pretty amazing and man she is beautiful. She cripples me with her beauty and talent. I still think that Russell Crowe is smokin hot. He exudes everything that a masculine male should. Yum. He does take his shirt off in this movie and it was pretty awesome. It happens only once, but it was well worth the wait. He's really pretty.

Overall, this movie was way too long and it felt like it went nowhere. 

 

I give it a 3.

 

Sucker Punch

 

What Jack Says...

When a young girl is sent to an mental hospital by her abusive step father, she finds herself thrown into a fantasy world where she has to fight for her survival. 

I really didn't know anything about this movie going in. I had seen a few trailers and the fact that it looked like a video game enticed me to see it. Also Zack Snyder directed it and he did such a phenomenal job on Watchmen and 300, so who wouldn't want to see it?

I am going to start by saying these chicks kicks some major ass. They had awesome weapons, excellent outfits and had to perform some crazy stunts. I know that 90% of this movie was done by green screen, but it was really well made. 

When I found out Vanessa Hudgens was going to be in this, I thought that I would give her a chance. I feel now that she isn't dating my boyfriend we might have a chance at having a relationship. She really did kick ass, but of course she turned out to be a little bitch. I really didn't expect anything less.

Abbie Cornish was cast really well and she was super hot. She is the "heavier" of the girls, but in no way does that make her fat. She just isn't eight pounds. She rocked those costumes better than the skinny chicks. Good job Abbie. 

I had to look up Emily Browning because I knew I knew her, but I couldn't place her. I was shocked as shit when I realized she was the little girl from Lemony Snicket's. Baby Doll is my new favorite person and I want to be her. She is bad ass and Emily Browning brought her to life.

I have always loved Jena Malone so when I found out she was going to be in this movie as well, I was overjoyed. There is something innocently sexy about her. I know she isn't a kid anymore, but she still seems so young. She was balls the walls hardcore and it was exciting. 

On a technical note the costumes, makeup, production design and soundtrack were phenomenal. The soundtrack was really interesting because they put a new twist on some classic songs. I know that isn't a new way of doing things, but they did it well. 

I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed this movie so much. This is a huge statement because there isn't one single hot guy in this movie. Not one! I love all things Sucker Punch and I am eager to see what Zack Snyder does next. 

Oh shit! I almost forgot to mention how hot Carla Gugino was in this movie. She is always awesomely hot, but she was really beautiful in this one. She is going to be 40 this year and she looks fantastic. I hope she rocks her awesome bod for many years to come. 

 

I give it a 9. Pretty perfect. 

 

Iron Man 2

 

What Jack Says...

Ugh, what I can I say about this entire enterprise other than I can't stand these movie. I know you may have just checked out at the mere idea that I blow my wad at that prospect of yet another comic book movie, but I'm pretty over it. 

The most shocking part about this entire franchise is that people actually think that Jon Favrea is a good director. He might have had a minute of greatness back when he did Elf, but that's about it. It actually physically pains me to see some of the shit he does with the camera and don't tell me that his action scenes are good. They just aren't. They are shaky and all over the place. You wanna watch a good action sequence then watch The Town. Yeah you heard me Jon Favrea. Ben Affleck kicks the shit out of you when it comes to directing so there!

Scarlett Johansson is pretty much the only reason I wanted to see this movie and when she was cool she was cool, but the rest of the time she is sort of like a robot. If this were Star Trek I would want her to be the voice at the helm. Oh sweet Jesus how annoying is Gwyneth Paltrow in these movies? The worst part is it so isn't her fault. That is how the character is written and that is just bad for women everywhere. So bad.

I will say that I am nearly certain I will have nothing to do with another one of these movies and since Jon Favrea isn't making it neither will anyone else. Robert Downey Jr. just needs to make more Sherlock Holmes movies, because they are far more superior. Oh, and Robert looks great. Like wow wow wow great. Bravo on the bod. 

 

Boo, I give it a 3. Yep, a 3. I expect some lengthy hate mail over this review. Bring it on.

 

The Fall

 

What Jack Says...

This is the tale of a wounded Stuntman that befriends a small girl staying in the same hospital and cons her into helping him get medicine for his pain. In return she has him tell her elaborate stories. The more drugs she provides, the more fantastical the stories get. 

I can't believe I had never heard of this movie until a few weeks ago. When I watched the trailer for this movie I realized it was right up my alley. This movie was directed by Tarsem Singh and he is most notable for directing The Cell. Just watching the trailer I knew that the same person did both movies. Both movies are just so completely visually stunning that it will blow your mind. Everything from the costumes, to the production design and even the score blew my mind. I will say though, I was a little put off by the end of this movie. I feel like I still want more and I was a little let down. I had to sleep on it, but once I did I realized that this was a truly great film.

I have to mention how hot Lee Pace is in this movie. That is another reason I am so surprised that I didn't know this movie existed because I love all things Lee Pace. In the fantasy portions he has all this sexy eyeliner and really great shoulders. He doesn't take his shirt off, but I am willing to look past that because the rest of the movie was so awesome.

I will certainly watch this movie again. Thank you William for introducing this movie to me. I know I would have found it soon or later, but I'm glad it was sooner.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and stick with a solid 9.

 

Resident Evil: Afterlife

 

What Jack Says...

Everyone knows what the Resident Evil movies are about; Alice, Zombies, Saving the human race. This story was not different than the rest. The only new twist is that the zombies have evolved and they now have these creatures with tentacles that jump out of their mouths. It's strange.

This really wasn't a great movie, but it was entertaining. The effects were cool and the guy with the big as hammer ax thing was pretty terrifying. Almost as frightening as the guy in Silent Hill. Sorry Resident Evil, that was sort of a rip off. 

Milla Jovovich looks great! Man she is still hot! I don't think she will ever stop being beautiful. God bless her. 

 

I give it a 5. Just OK. 

 

Dances With Wolves

 

What Jack Says...

TORTURE! That might be a little bit of an exaggeration so I will just say it was minor torture. Anytime you are forced to watch a movie you are automatically predispositioned to not enjoy yourself. It's a fact.

I had seen this movie when I was younger, but I don't think I was fully mature enough to appreciate the subject matter. Now that I have seen it at an older age, I just don't give a fuck. Yep, not even a little bit. Growing up in the West this crap is forced down your throat at a very young age and it just gets old. I know that sounds offensive, but oh well. This is my blog. MINE!

Is this movie historically accurate? Probably. Is it written well? Sure. Was it new and interesting for the time? Yeah. Was it entertaining? Nope. 

 

I give it a 4 purely on the fact that it deserved the awards it received. 

 

 

Toy Story 3

 

What Jack Says...

I am a little ashamed to say it, but I really had zero desire to see this movie. When I heard they were making yet another Toy Story movie I was figuring it was just going to be another bad sequel. I'm not a huge fan of the second one at all. I am happy to inform you that I was wrong about this installment.

Hari saw this movie in the theater and she cried hard. Sorry for outing you Hari. I couldn't figure out what could be so sad and all Hari told me was "Andy does right by them." I was thoroughly confused and then of course I waited to for DVD to see it.

I love Barbie so all the Barbie stuff rocked my world. There are toys in this movie that I forgot even existed. It is sad because the new generation of kids have no idea how nostalgic this movie really is and they just won't "get it". It is hard to commend production design in an animated movie, but this one was flawless. Just look in the background the next time you watch it, especially in the classroom scenes. You will see things that are completely obsolete in classrooms now, but were in every classroom "when we were kids." Oh god, I just got old. Yep, right this second. 

I'm not ashamed to say I cried hard during this movie not once, but at two points of the film. I was sort of a whimpering idiot both times I watched it. This movie was so good I watched it two days in a row. It certainly deserves all the nominations it had and all the awards that were won.

This was good family fun even for people without kids. I urge everyone to watch it because it is certainly a blast from the past. Oh, and I agree, Andy does do right by them.

 

I give it a 9. I would watch it again many times over.

P.S. How scary is Big Baby. Gaaaaahhhhh! 

 

True Grit

What Jack Says...

As you have probably noticed, this is the first review I have done for a western. That is mostly because I don't like westerns. Yes, I will give it up for Wyatt Earp and Tombstone, but that is about it. If I want the west I will just look out my window.

However, this movie was fantastic. I have heard that the original is not all that great and that the Coen brothers had to strip this down to the bone and rewrite it completely. I don't think I would have liked this movie at all if it were not for the script. I love Jeff Bridges so that was an easy sell for me, but I was sceptical about Matt Damon. I don't dislike him, but I am not a huge fan. I have always seen him as just a pretty face and otherwise not such a great actor. I was completely put in my place with his portrayal of the character LaBeouf. I think now that he is getting older I can take him more seriously and he looks way hot as a dirty cowboy.

The pacing of the movie was great, the acting was phenomenal and it was just an all around exciting movie. I was a little let down by the ending, but I don't know what I wanted instead. I guess I don't know how to fix it so I won't bitch.

I give this one an 8.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

What Jack Says...

When I saw the trailer for this movie, I didn't know what to think. Was it going to be funny, was it a video game, was it animated? Who knew. The answer is it was all of that and then more though in this instance it didn't work in the movies favor.

I really wanted to love this movie. I wanted to make it dinner, take it to bed and love it. I was so very disappointed that I didn't want to do any of that. The movie is so schizophrenic it is hard to keep notice on what is going on around you. This wasn't a good schizophrenic like Eternal Sunshine or the first half hour of Moulin Rouge either. Another problem I had was I hated the character Ramona Flowers right off the bat. The minute she hit the screen I was like "Nope get her off. I want to stab her." I'm big on strong female leading rolls and the actresses that play them. She was not one of these people. Beginning to end I wanted her to die.

Another huge issue I had was that they tried to make Michael Cera a bad ass. Really? Michael Cera. He might be cute, funny, witty and awkward, but never never a bad ass. It only worked in Youth In Revolt because you got to see both sides of his personality.

Now for what I did like! Kieran Culkin is my boyfriend. I loved him hard and I always do. Those Culkin boys can do no wrong with  me. They should be in everything. Especially Kieran. All the good lines and screen time went to Kieran and he didn't have much of that.

Boo! This movie was not what it was cracked up to be.

I give this one a 6. I forgot that Jason Schwartzman was awesome. I had to throw an extra point his way for that.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:Part1

What Jack Says...

Awe-sommmmmmmeeeeee! I think that is all that really needs to be said. Everyone told me that this was the best Harry Potter movie and I was like "pashaw whatever!" (thank you Clueless. Without you that line may not have been possible)

I feared the worst going in with some very high expectations for the seventh installment in the series. Thank baby Jesus I was not let down. This movie really did have it all and I think even if you aren't a Harry Potter person you could still enjoy it. I honestly didn't think that anything could beat the Prisoner of Azkaban, but I was wrong. I wouldn't say that it was totally beaten, just slightly passed. I mean seriously? Has there really been a bad Harry Potter movie?

In the end I will be sad to see it go, but man the ride was good while it lasted. I can't wait to see the final installment.

I give this one a 9.5. Nearly perfect!

9

What Jack Says...

I originally wanted to see this movie really badly when it was in the theater, but I never got around to it. By the time it was on cable Hari had told me it was pretty terrible and to not rush out to see it. I finally got around to watching it and I really enjoyed it.

I thought it was interesting, creative, and scary as hell for little kids. I don't really think they marketed it towards little kids, but I would have paid money to see screaming children running out of the theater. Stupid parents.

I would watch this one again and I bet I would get something different out of it each time. It was just that creative. Oh, and Elijah Wood is hot even as a bean bag puppet thing.

I give this one an 8

The Last Airbender

What Jack Says...

Dear M. Night Shyamalan,

M. Night, M. Night, M. Night. Tsk Tsk. You know when they say "You'll never work in Hollywood again?" Well, for you it's true.

Do you remember the beginning of your career with such great projects as Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense. I will give an honorable mention to Signs because it didn't suck until the end. Remember how bad everyone thought the Village was? I however thought it was fantastic so I stood by you. Then, there was Lady in the Water. Those who saw it thought it to be comical and no one really took it seriously. I thought that the closing sequence was one of the best I had ever seen in any film so still at that point I had faith that it could only get better. Next, there was the abysmal Happening and oh was it over for you M. Night. I would have driven miles, days, weeks just to get my hands around your throat. Now the horrific badness of Airbender is so offensive I want to shoot you myself. Wherever you are M. Night you need to hide. Don't pass go. Don't collect $200.00. Just hide. Don't even think about making another one of these movies because it isn't going to happen anyway. No studio in Hollywood will back it so you might as well not even get out of bed in the morning.

In closing. Just die.

                               Jack

Ghost Busters

What Jack Says...

I was a mere 2 years old when Ghost Busters first hit the screen so it might not look so bad that I just recently saw it for the first time over Halloween weekend.

Don't get me wrong, I have been wanting to see it for a very long time and of course I watched bits and pieces on cable. Though as we all know you can't get the real feel for a movie with all of those commercials and editing involved. As I expected I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. It had humor where necessary, suspense where needed and for the time the effects were fantastic. I grew up watching the cartoon so I knew the basics before hand.

Overall I give this one a 7.

The Brothers Bloom

What Jack Says...

The Brothers Bloom is the story of two con artist brothers that try to swindle a wealthy woman out of her millions. It stars Adrien Brody, Rachel Wiesz, and Mark Ruffalo. The cast alone tells you the movie is fantastic.

I can't say enough good things about this movie. I would say that this is the second best movie I have watched all year and I can't believe it has taken me this long to see it. This movie was absolute cinematic genius and I wanted more from start to finish. There aren't many movies that do that anymore.

Rian Johnson directed this film. He was the creative genius behind Brick that blew so many minds open in 2005. I would say that he is an up and coming director with a fresh look at film though I feel his directing style is very old. I like that about him. He has found a way to make old look new again. Chris Nolen and Rian Johnson should have a duel at dawn with dueling pistols in a foggy grassy park. I honestly have no idea who would win that one. I would pay money to see it.

There is one particular scene in this film with Rachel Weisz where she is telling a story as she is doing tricks with a deck of cards. There are no words to describe how much I love this scene. I would put this in my top 5 favorite scenes of all time. You just have to watch it because it is effortless and beautifully executed.

I give this one a very enthusiastic 10. Yes, ladies and gentlemen a 10. You don't get much better then this.

Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian

By now I would hope that everyone knows what the Night At The Museum movies are about. I will say that I felt that the first one was entertaining to a point and I really didn't have much of an expectation for the sequel.

It pretty much started and ended the way I thought it might. Amy Adams is new to this installment and she was OK. Her butt looked great in those pants and I am sure that is all men really noticed. Hank Azaria has some big guns for being so old too. It had a little bit of comedy and humor and there was probably some good stuff in there for families. Jonah Hill as funny in the very few parts he was in, but then when isn't Jonah funny?

Somehow I feel obligated to enjoy these types of feel good family adventures and I just don't. I text Hari to ask her what she thought and she thought it was just "eh" as well. I don't feel nearly as bad now. I must not have it in my DNA to enjoy this sort of movie.

I wouldn't take my opinion on this one, but I was B O R E D! Actually, my DVR cut off and I missed probably the last 8 minutes of the movie and I don't care in the least. That isn't a good sign. Not good at all.

I give this one a 3. I am sure there was some good stuff in here. I just simply couldn't find it.

What Hari Says...

I napped through this one.  Sorry.  I liked the first one.  I remember someone was stuck in a box somewhere.  That's aboot it.
I'd give it a 1.5.  

Kick-Ass

What Jack Says.......

There are two words to describe this movie, Loved It! You thought I was going to say Kick Ass huh? You see how I did that?

No seriously this movie was amazing. It looks good from the trailers, but I had no idea how good it could really be. It completely blew my mind. They do shit in this movie that I just simply have never seen before. Hit Girl is officially the most bad ass action hero ever! This movie pulled out all the stops. The directing, script and score were awesome to boot! I can't say enough good things about this flick.

One side note. Nick Cage's disgusting turkey waddle of neck surprised me. I knew he was getting up in the years, but seriously if I had watched this movie in 3D I would have feared it jumping off the screen and eating me.

I give this one a solid 9. My best score yet!

What Hari Says..

Kick-Ass is a movie about a teen who wants to be a super hero. His first attempt leaves him badly beaten, with nerve damage and a renewed sense of heroism. Aaron Johnson, the actor who plays Kick-Ass, is super hot. I loved him in Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging. I am kind of scandalized that he is 20 and married to a 43 year old. Not only that, but they just had a baby!! Zoiks!

Anywayssss..... This movie was great. Nick Cage dies, which was a pleasant change from his usual screwing of hot chicks 30 years younger than him. Sorry if I ruined it for you, but if it was me, I'd watch it just because he dies! The story is funny, the action is fun and cool because most of the fight scenes are perpetrated by a 11 year old girl! Awesome!


Overall, I give this movie a 9. Not the greatest movie I've ever seen, but a really good one that I would like to add to my library.