Brothers

What Jack Says...

Boo. This movie sucked. I'm not even going to try to be witty or run around the subject. It was just bad.

Here is what you need to know?

1. No one gets naked. Nope no one. Jake Gyllenhaal takes his shirt of once and Toby Maguire like twice, but he is all bony and gross so yuck.

2. Jake and Natalie have one kiss. Yeah, one kiss and nothing else and then her husband comes back and flies of off the handle for nothing. Ugh.

3. The POW stuff was sort of cool, but not really. There are way better captivity scenes in other movies.

Boo. Don't watch it. Don't waste your time. There's nothing in it for you.

I'm only giving this a 2 because I didn't shut it off and Toby had a pretty ok freak out scene towards the end.

Eclipse

What Jack Says...

Man there were some good wigs in this movie. That's pretty sad that that is the best thing I have to say right out of the gate. Of course Jacob has a fantastic bod, but that would have been so predictable. The wigs really were great.

So, this is the best of the Twilight movies though that isn't saying much. I honestly didn't dislike this movie, but I didn't think it was anything wonderful. There were a few key elements that stayed true to the book and the director was able to capture it's essence. The director is David Slade and he directed Hard Candy. He is a master at the art of tension and anticipation in a scene where there is nothing but conversation and emotion. He doesn't need a score to make you feel something.

There was one scene in particular that if they would have screwed it up I would have slowly died. It would have been like people saying they don't believe in fairies. The scene I speak of is the one in the tent with Jacob, Bella, and Edward. This is such a pivotal part of the story because it is where Edward finally admits that Jacob is better for Bella, but ultimately it is Bella's decision to make. Up until this point they pretty much just scowl at each other and push one another around, but in this scene they actually have a conversation and it's hot.

Bryce Dallas Howard stepped in to take over the roll of Victoria for this installment. Wow, what a stupid bitch the other broad is for turning down the third movie. I won't even look up her name because it won't matter. She is a nobody and she will stay that way because she is stupid. Bryce Dallas Howard is one hot ginger and that is why she is so awesome.

Blah Blah Blah Jacob was hot, Edward was brooding and Bella was annoying. Am I looking forward to the fourth movie? Not really, but of course I will watch it.

P.S. Kristen Stewart is still my girlfriend. She can pretty much do what she wants because I will follow her anywhere. I'm like that stalker kid that knows where all you classes are and sit outside your locker. Nice.

I give this one a 7

The Box

What Jack Says...

This is the story of a husband and wife that receive a box with a button on top at their doorstep. A man with half a face comes to them with a proposition to press the button. If they do they will recieve 1 million dollars, but someone they do not know will die and there will be consequences.

Is Donnie Darko a good movie? That is debatable. Is The Box a good movie? Probably not. They were both written by Richard Kelly but this time he took his hand at Directing. That might have been his downfall.

Much like Donnie Darko the first hour was solid. It was interesting, they introduced some complex characters, and it was just overall intriguing. Then, like Donnie Darko about an hour in it just got weird. Like super out of this world weird. It basically leaves the audience thinking that they are watching a totally different movie then the one they walked into. If I was sitting in the theatre I might have checked my ticket stub to remind me of what I paid for. I'm sensing a pattern with this writer.

There were some good twists and turn and I genuinely like Cameron Diaz and James Marsden. They played very believable characters in a very unbelievable script. Unfortunately, in the end it just got  too weird and I completely shut down.

I give this a 6. Sad, it could have been so good.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

What Jack Says...

When I saw the trailer for this movie, I didn't know what to think. Was it going to be funny, was it a video game, was it animated? Who knew. The answer is it was all of that and then more though in this instance it didn't work in the movies favor.

I really wanted to love this movie. I wanted to make it dinner, take it to bed and love it. I was so very disappointed that I didn't want to do any of that. The movie is so schizophrenic it is hard to keep notice on what is going on around you. This wasn't a good schizophrenic like Eternal Sunshine or the first half hour of Moulin Rouge either. Another problem I had was I hated the character Ramona Flowers right off the bat. The minute she hit the screen I was like "Nope get her off. I want to stab her." I'm big on strong female leading rolls and the actresses that play them. She was not one of these people. Beginning to end I wanted her to die.

Another huge issue I had was that they tried to make Michael Cera a bad ass. Really? Michael Cera. He might be cute, funny, witty and awkward, but never never a bad ass. It only worked in Youth In Revolt because you got to see both sides of his personality.

Now for what I did like! Kieran Culkin is my boyfriend. I loved him hard and I always do. Those Culkin boys can do no wrong with  me. They should be in everything. Especially Kieran. All the good lines and screen time went to Kieran and he didn't have much of that.

Boo! This movie was not what it was cracked up to be.

I give this one a 6. I forgot that Jason Schwartzman was awesome. I had to throw an extra point his way for that.

Date Night

What Jack Says...

Snore! Yep, I would put this one right up there with The Bounty Hunter. This is what happens when bad writing happens to good Actors. Much like The Bounty Hunter, the only thing keeping me going was the prospect of Gerard Butler taking his shirt off. In this one I didn't really want anyone to take their shirt off, but I did want Tina Fey to just be lovely and funny. I didn't get that.

When I first found out that Steve Carell and Tina Fey were going to do a movie together and it was going to be funny I nearly exploded with joy. However, now that I have viewed the film I am not impressed. I don't blame them at all though. They could sit in an AIDS clinic and give out bad test results and still make it funny. I blame the writer completely. He took two funny actors and gave them a script that wasn't funny. The writer's name is Josh Klausner just in case you want to write him some hate mail. I guess I shouldn't have had such high expectations. He gave us his writing talents in the giant piece of shit we call Shrek 3.

In the end I still love them both. I still want to marry Tina Fey and I will stick by her because that's what good wives do. I won't kick her while she's down. She knows the movie sucked.

I give this one a 5. Anything less would be just sad.

Whip It

What Jack Says...

Whip It is the story of a girl (Ellen Page) that is sort of awkward and she finds her niche in roller derby. It also stars Marcia Gay Harden, Kristen Wiig, and Juliette Lewis.

Let's just start with what the hell happened to Marcia Gay Harden? She fell off the map hard. She didn't just fall, she jumped off the map. She was everywhere for a few minutes and then "splat" nothing. She is such a fantastic actress and she is still completely beautiful. Maybe she will read this and let me know what happened to her career.

Next, Drew Barrymore is a GD genius. She really is. She has one of the most successful production companies in the world and she just makes smart business decisions. Good for her. No seriously. She had a rough patch there for a good decade and then she pulled herself out of Courtney Love's vagina long enough to become a successful business woman. I would like to send her a big gulp with a note attached that says "Thanks for not sucking."

Ok, now onto the movie. The movie was great. That is it. Good script, good actors, and just an all around good choice. You don't see too many of those anymore.

Overall I give this on an 8.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:Part1

What Jack Says...

Awe-sommmmmmmeeeeee! I think that is all that really needs to be said. Everyone told me that this was the best Harry Potter movie and I was like "pashaw whatever!" (thank you Clueless. Without you that line may not have been possible)

I feared the worst going in with some very high expectations for the seventh installment in the series. Thank baby Jesus I was not let down. This movie really did have it all and I think even if you aren't a Harry Potter person you could still enjoy it. I honestly didn't think that anything could beat the Prisoner of Azkaban, but I was wrong. I wouldn't say that it was totally beaten, just slightly passed. I mean seriously? Has there really been a bad Harry Potter movie?

In the end I will be sad to see it go, but man the ride was good while it lasted. I can't wait to see the final installment.

I give this one a 9.5. Nearly perfect!

Burlesque

What Jack Says...

Need I say more than "Cher and Christina." I don't think so. In no world could this have not worked out. The total and complete awesomeness of Cher paired with the beauty and talent of Christina Aguilera could blow a hole in the ozone layer. They were fantastic.

Was Christina's acting good? Absolutely not. Did we expect it to be? Absolutely not. That is one of the reasons this movie worked. It's really not all that creative and it was super predictable, but that is what I went in for. I paid for a ticket and sat and watched a movie that I knew exactly was going to happen. How many times can you say you've done that? Many I am sure. The songs were phenomenal and the dancing was out of this world. Loved the songs, loved the costumes, loved the makeup. Do you really need anything more from a musical. Not really. This was the best dance type musical I had seen since Chicago. Burlesque trampled over NINE, kicked it in the balls and rubbed it's face in the dirt. Awesome.

I give this a very enthusiastic 8

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

What Jack Says...

This was another one that Hari told me wasn't that great that I ended up liking. I don't know Hari, I might not take your word for kids movies anymore.

I have seen some really shitty kids movies in the past few years (Aliens In the Attic, The Tale of Despereaux, Monster's Vs. Aliens) and this one wasn't bad. I thought it was funny and Anna Faris is hysterical all the time. She has such a cute voice and I totally think she needs to do more voice acting. The rest of the cast did really well and the characters were smart. People tend to dumb down kids movies thinking that kids are stupid. What Hollywood doesn't realize is that kids don't get dumb until about twelve. You have eleven whole years to try to make them smarter with movies. Think about it Hollywood. 

I give it a 7. I would watch it again.  

9

What Jack Says...

I originally wanted to see this movie really badly when it was in the theater, but I never got around to it. By the time it was on cable Hari had told me it was pretty terrible and to not rush out to see it. I finally got around to watching it and I really enjoyed it.

I thought it was interesting, creative, and scary as hell for little kids. I don't really think they marketed it towards little kids, but I would have paid money to see screaming children running out of the theater. Stupid parents.

I would watch this one again and I bet I would get something different out of it each time. It was just that creative. Oh, and Elijah Wood is hot even as a bean bag puppet thing.

I give this one an 8

Apocalypse Now

What Jack Says...

This was another film I had to watch for screen writing class. I had seen the Redux version in the early 2000's when it was released in the theaters, but it has been quite a lone time. Honestly, all I remembered was war, going crazy, more war and them killing some sort of animal with machete's.

I can say that now that I am older and I have seen more movies that I can appreciate this one that much more. I never really realized what a fantastic actor Robert Duval was until that one scene where bullets are flying and he is completely calm. This scene was filmed almost entirely in one shot and that can only be done with fantastic actors. I have never really seen much with Martin Sheen in it so I never really thought of him one way or the other. After watching this film I have an entirely new respect for the man. He is more then just the father to Emilo Estevez and and Charlie Sheen. I see where they got their good looks too because he was pretty hot. Yes, crazy can look hot.

I completely see why this movie is a classic and a film industry staple. I would like to go back now and watch the Redux version again, but maybe I will give it some time. This movie is pretty long.

I give this one a solid 8.

The Last Airbender

What Jack Says...

Dear M. Night Shyamalan,

M. Night, M. Night, M. Night. Tsk Tsk. You know when they say "You'll never work in Hollywood again?" Well, for you it's true.

Do you remember the beginning of your career with such great projects as Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense. I will give an honorable mention to Signs because it didn't suck until the end. Remember how bad everyone thought the Village was? I however thought it was fantastic so I stood by you. Then, there was Lady in the Water. Those who saw it thought it to be comical and no one really took it seriously. I thought that the closing sequence was one of the best I had ever seen in any film so still at that point I had faith that it could only get better. Next, there was the abysmal Happening and oh was it over for you M. Night. I would have driven miles, days, weeks just to get my hands around your throat. Now the horrific badness of Airbender is so offensive I want to shoot you myself. Wherever you are M. Night you need to hide. Don't pass go. Don't collect $200.00. Just hide. Don't even think about making another one of these movies because it isn't going to happen anyway. No studio in Hollywood will back it so you might as well not even get out of bed in the morning.

In closing. Just die.

                               Jack

The Time Traveler's Wife

What Jack Says...

The Time Traveler's Wife stars Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams. It is the story of a man who travels through time to meet his wife at various stages of their lives.

This trailer totally lied! I just had to start with that. They totally portrayed this movie as some sort of hard core romance and it was not that way at all. Yes, they meet. Yes, they fall in love. Is it romantic? I'm not so convinced. It felt like they wanted each other to be someone different then the person they were with. She always wanted him at a different age then he was and vice verse. It was very strange.

It has been a while since I watched this and I still don't know if I liked it or not. I felt that I needed to sleep on it though I have slept many nights. I think this movie had the potential to be really great, but something was missing. I know you can't bitch about something unless you know how to make it better and since I don't I will just stop.

Eric Bana was naked a lot! Huge perk. The DP on this film was Florian Ballhaus so the cinematography was pretty fantastic. Great lighting, the scenes all looked great and it was just an all around well made movie. I still feel like I missed something though.

I give this a 6. A middle of the road grade for a middle of the road movie.

Get Him To The Greek

What Jack Says...

Get Him to the Greek is supposed to be a sequel to Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but I think it missed the mark a bit. Sarah Marshal is debatably one of the funniest movies of the 2000's and it is pretty hard to follow that up.

I had huge expectations for this movie and I think it might have been my downfall. When they say that this movie is a comedy I think it is very loosely based on a comedy. Like a lot of comedies these days it took an unexpected turn into seriousness and I don't think it was absolutely necessary.

Russell Brand is one funny fucker. You can't deny that shit so don't even try. However, I think that the script worked against him. The director from Sarah Marshall (Nicholas Stoller) decided to take his had at writing this one and it was nowhere near the genius of Sarah Marshall. In Sarah Marshall I think you genuinely cared about the characters, though in this one the characters were unsympathetic and you didn't necessarily care what was going on with anyone. There were a few unnecessary vulgar moments in this one as well that just went too far.

Oh yeah, and Jonah Hill was in this movie though you would never know it. His screen time was limited and when he was there he made no impact at all. I don't blame this on you Jonah at all. I know you are funny, too bad the script wasn't.

Overall, this movie was schizophrenic, slow the rest of the time and a poor representation of what Russell Brand is really capable of. If you want to see some good Russell Brand check out his stand up or Bedtime Stories. He doesn't have to be vulgar to be funny though I enjoy it very much.

I give this one a 4. Pretty big disappointment.

Ghost Busters

What Jack Says...

I was a mere 2 years old when Ghost Busters first hit the screen so it might not look so bad that I just recently saw it for the first time over Halloween weekend.

Don't get me wrong, I have been wanting to see it for a very long time and of course I watched bits and pieces on cable. Though as we all know you can't get the real feel for a movie with all of those commercials and editing involved. As I expected I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. It had humor where necessary, suspense where needed and for the time the effects were fantastic. I grew up watching the cartoon so I knew the basics before hand.

Overall I give this one a 7.

The Brothers Bloom

What Jack Says...

The Brothers Bloom is the story of two con artist brothers that try to swindle a wealthy woman out of her millions. It stars Adrien Brody, Rachel Wiesz, and Mark Ruffalo. The cast alone tells you the movie is fantastic.

I can't say enough good things about this movie. I would say that this is the second best movie I have watched all year and I can't believe it has taken me this long to see it. This movie was absolute cinematic genius and I wanted more from start to finish. There aren't many movies that do that anymore.

Rian Johnson directed this film. He was the creative genius behind Brick that blew so many minds open in 2005. I would say that he is an up and coming director with a fresh look at film though I feel his directing style is very old. I like that about him. He has found a way to make old look new again. Chris Nolen and Rian Johnson should have a duel at dawn with dueling pistols in a foggy grassy park. I honestly have no idea who would win that one. I would pay money to see it.

There is one particular scene in this film with Rachel Weisz where she is telling a story as she is doing tricks with a deck of cards. There are no words to describe how much I love this scene. I would put this in my top 5 favorite scenes of all time. You just have to watch it because it is effortless and beautifully executed.

I give this one a very enthusiastic 10. Yes, ladies and gentlemen a 10. You don't get much better then this.

Saw 3D (The Final Chapter)

What Jack Says...

I am a sucker for the Saw Movies and I don't really know why. They are not particularly interesting and I can't really wrap my head around why people enjoy watching other people get tortured. I can't knock it because I have seen nearly every installment.

For this movie the script was particularly horrible. I mean seriously, way bad. It felt like a bad porn without the nudity and without the hot guys and chicks. The lighting was sort of funny and whatever film they used made it feel like a bad high school film class movie in which they are using film equipment from 1974.

Was this movie cool? Yes, of course. It delivered everything that a Saw movie should. Was this movie good? Not really. It was probably one of the worst ones. I would say that 1 and 3 were the best installments so it has been a while since I really liked one. Yet, I still keep watching them? Does anyone really think that this is the final chapter? Really?

Overall I give this one a 5.

Paranormal Activity 2

What Jack Says...

Hari and I went the next day and saw Paranormal Activity 2. Again, It was sort of slow going, but it delivered the goods in the end. This one felt a tad more far fetched, but none the less scary.

I don't want to spoil the movie, but the scene in the kitchen where she is reading a magazine and the part where she gets drug down the stairs were especially memorable. I think they are good with just the two movies and if they do anymore they will jump the shark. Let's hope they take my advice and go out on a good note.

Overall I give this on a solid 7 too. I didn't like either one better then the other.

Paranormal Activity

What Jack Says...

Yes, I realize it is not 2007 anymore and I have just barely gotten around to watching Paranormal Activity. I had a plan though. I knew I wanted to wait until the inevitable second installment came out that way I could watch them back to back, and that is exactly what I did.

Hari and I watched this one together and we both love this sort of movie. I guess there is something about being scared that is appealing to both of us. There was a particularly scary scene in this movie where the sheets seem to pull themselves back and it appears that there is someone getting into bed with Katie and Micah. At that exact moment Hari's cat came whizzing around the corner, skittered across the floor, hit a stand up fan knocking it over, and ran into another room. On a regular day this would not have been so funny, but at this moment we were both laughing hysterically and scared out of our minds.

This movie was slow to start, but it delivered the goods in the end. I'm glad I waited because it made me want to see the next installment right away.

Overall I give this one a solid 7. Highly entertaining.

Bandslam

What Jack Says..

Band Slam is the story of a group of teenagers that want to start a band and win a battle of the bands contest. Of course there is a bunch blah blah boring teenage angst stuff.

I actually had pretty big expectations for this one and I was let down. There wasn't just one thing that happened, but all around it seemed to fall flat. Vanessa Hudgens made me want to gouge my eyes out with a hot poker. I have never been a huge fan of hers and she has yet to give me a performance worth watching.

Alyson Milchalka was totally beautiful, but she struggled to carry the movie alone. In the end the movie was highly predictable and I expected more.

Overall I give this one a 3

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

What Jack Says....

I saw this movie a little while back and I was not too impressed. I heard from a group of people that this movie was going to open my mind up and just simply fuck my brain. Perhaps that is why I was not impressed because it did neither of those things.

I guess this movie has a little bit of everything. It has mystery, Nazi's, emotionally broken characters, murders, and suspense. With that being said does all of that really make a good movie?

This movie has a very offensive rape scene that if I had known it was going to be there I probably never would not have seen it. It is as graphic as I have ever scene and I am emotionally wounded from it. I heard that they are adapting this into an American Version in which they are using the same actress, Noomi Rapace. The first thing that movie is going to be missing is this rape scene. There is no way America is going to let that in. I would have been better with it if I had felt it was absolutely necessary, but I didn't. I guess it makes sense if you were to use the original movie title from Sweden, Men Who Hate Women.

In any event the twist wasn't really all that hard to figure out and the end of this movie ran about 15 minutes too long. They closed it all up in a tiny little neat package and I would have been better off leaving a few things to my imagination. The worst part is they have not made not only one sequel to this but two. Really? What else do I need to know. I have no desire to keep this series going and if I do partake on the rest it will be because my DVR box blew up and I have seen everything on NetFlix. I don't see that happening. You?

I give this one a 6.

The Lovely Bones

What Jack Says.....

Like most other women I read the book prior to seeing the movie. This is the story of a girl who is raped and murdered by her neighbor and her family coping with her death as she watches them from her heaven.

I really did enjoy the book, but I was not so thrilled with the movie. The book punches you in the face in the first 10 pages and the movie lacked that. They seemed to have taken all the interesting character qualities out for the movie. The book was less about Susie Salmon being murdered and it was more about her family coping and moving on without her. That was so not the way the movie went down at all.

In the trailers they portrayed this movie as a suspenseful psychological thriller and the book isn't that way one bit. Susie spends the first half of the movie trying in cope with her death and trying to find a way to contact her living family. In the book she is pretty much fine with her death from the get go and she is more concerned that her family won't make it without her so she watches them.

Stanley Tucci was terrifying in every way so good job to that because he needed to be. Right when I was starting to see him as a good guy he goes and does this. I was really upset at the fact that they took the rape scene out of the movie. They don't even mention it in the movie at all and they play it off as if she is just simply murdered. I feel that this was an imperative piece of the puzzle and the story lacked because of it. I am not a fan of rape, but in this instance it was absolutely necessary to the story line.

I know that it is always tough when you adapt a book into a film, but sometimes it works. Delores Claiborne, The Shawshank Redemption and Stand By Me are all adaptations that worked. I realize that those are all Stephen King novels and most of his novels are eons better then their film adaptations. These just happen to be exceptions to the rule.

I just simply hoped that by putting Peter Jackson at the forefront of another piece of literature that he could give it some justice. I hate to say it Peter, but you failed me. I was so wrapped up in the fact that the movie was missing all novel's fantastic qualities, that I didn't even look at the directing. The corn field parts were probably the best parts, but they still felt like throw away scenes.

On a positive note, this was some of the best production design I have seen in a long time. Naomi Shohan gets the credit for this and I can't say that I am surprised. After doing the production design for such movies as American Beauty, Constantine and I am Legend I was delighted. The production design in American Beauty changed movies forever.

Overall, I wanted more from this movie. I hoped that with it being nearly 2 1/2 hours that they could capture even a morsel of the emotion and grief that the book had.

Overall I give this one a 4. Huge disappointment.

The Grapes of Wrath

What Jack Says....

This was yet another piece of classic cinema I was forced to watch for class. I had already seen the other 2 movies many times over so I was stuck with this one.

This movie follows the Joad family as they try to make to California to prosper during the depression.

I don't think that in any world I would have liked this movie. It was pretty depressing and a little long. Henry Fonda was great and I do see why he had such a lustrous career. I think he should stick to comedies like Yours Mine and Ours because man, that is a swell film.

Overall I give this one a 4.

Year One

What Jack Says....

Did I want this movie to be good? Yes. Was it good? No.

The biggest reason that this movie was so disappointing was that Harold Ramis is a comical genius. I can't even begin to analyze what went wrong with this film. There were some funny moments and perhaps if I were move versed on the bible stories I might have understood it better.

All the good lines went to Michael Cera which is fine with me. Believe me I love me some funny Jack Black, but it was nice to See Michael being funny. His comedy is effortless.

I will never ever watch this movie again. Yes, it was that bad.

I give this one a 2. Ouch!

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel

What Jack Says....

Horrible, awfully, terrible, make it stop! Yes, this is possibly one of the worst movies I have ever seen. The first one wasn't really all that great, but they really messed this one up big time. I had such high hopes for the Chipette's. Sad. It was so bad I don't even want to talk about it. I would have shut if off if I could have. Believe me.

Do I really have to give this one a rating? I give is a 1.

Now, if you want to watch a good Alvin and the Chipmunks movie then watch the The Chipmunk Adventure. I loved this movie as a child and it still thrills me. I still want to be Britney.

I give this one a 9!