Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian

By now I would hope that everyone knows what the Night At The Museum movies are about. I will say that I felt that the first one was entertaining to a point and I really didn't have much of an expectation for the sequel.

It pretty much started and ended the way I thought it might. Amy Adams is new to this installment and she was OK. Her butt looked great in those pants and I am sure that is all men really noticed. Hank Azaria has some big guns for being so old too. It had a little bit of comedy and humor and there was probably some good stuff in there for families. Jonah Hill as funny in the very few parts he was in, but then when isn't Jonah funny?

Somehow I feel obligated to enjoy these types of feel good family adventures and I just don't. I text Hari to ask her what she thought and she thought it was just "eh" as well. I don't feel nearly as bad now. I must not have it in my DNA to enjoy this sort of movie.

I wouldn't take my opinion on this one, but I was B O R E D! Actually, my DVR cut off and I missed probably the last 8 minutes of the movie and I don't care in the least. That isn't a good sign. Not good at all.

I give this one a 3. I am sure there was some good stuff in here. I just simply couldn't find it.

What Hari Says...

I napped through this one.  Sorry.  I liked the first one.  I remember someone was stuck in a box somewhere.  That's aboot it.
I'd give it a 1.5.  

RocknRolla

RocknRolla stars Gerard Butler, Tom Wilkinson, Tom Hardy and basically all the other standards from any Guy Ritchie movie. The plot has something to do with a painting, a Russian and some flash backs to some family drama. I don't really know because honestly I went in to watch the hot guys. Going into this movie I did not know that Guy Ritchie directed it, but after a few minutes of the credits I knew it was him. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. That made the movie slightly predictable and overly reminiscent of Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch.

I will just cut to the chase and tell you what the best part of the movie was. There is some serious homosexual tension between Gerard Butler and Tom Hardy and that is hot. It turns out that Hardy plays a gay guy and he comes out to Butler and basically tells him he wants to do him. As if Gerard Butler isn't hot enough, a gay Gerard with an even hotter Tom Hardy is just too much. My heart nearly stopped. I will say that nothing happens between them and really nothing happens between anyone else. If something had happened then this would have been the greatest movie in creation. All I really want to do now is move to England and find myself some hot blue collar guy with an accent. Is that bad?

Overall, if you like the Guy Ritchie feel of everything sort of being all over the place and not having any continuity then this might be the one for you. Oh, another thing is that I like Jeremy Piven as much as the next guy, but why is that every director thinks they can just throw him in anywhere they want and it will turn to cinematic gold?

I give this one a solid 6

What Hari Says...

I couldn't even finish this one.  Nopester.  It was a no go for me.  Sorry.  

The Chumscrubber

The Chumscrubber stars Jamie Bell, Camilla Belle, and Justin Chatwin. It is the story of a teen (Bell) who discovers the body of his best friend that kills himself. There is another set of teens that try to blackmail him to get the drugs his dead friend owes them, but the plan goes awry.

First of all IMDB labels this movie as a comedy and at no point did I think any of this was funny. Not even in a dark comedy sort of way. It was highly reminiscent of Donnie Darko, but not nearly as good.

I will say that Jamie Bell is hot and he should be in everything. I do realize that he was Billy Elliot, but he is all grown up now so calm down. He is British and I would have had no idea because he dropped his accent perfectly. Dude Jamie Bell can do it, why can't Sam Worthington get it together?

This movie had some truly "WTF" moments, but I think it was in a good way. Glenn Close is also in this movie and she plays a crazy bitch, but when doesn't she play a crazy bitch? I would say that this one was worth watching, but be warned it is long winded and I still don't really know what happened in this movie.

I give this one a 6

What Hari Says...

I know it's been a while since I've watched this one, but I remember that I liked it.  It was good.
I'd give it a 7.  It was way too emotional to watch again, but I liked it.  

Extreme Movie

I am not even going to say who stars in this movie, because it doesn't really matter. No one is on the screen for more then a few minutes. The highly odd thing about this movie is that they give Michael Cera top billing and he is only in it for 3 minutes. No joke, I counted and it was 3 minutes. If that isn't bad enough, it took 51 minutes for him to show up. This movie is only an hour and a half so, I had to go through almost an hour of bull shit before I got to the person I actually wanted to see.

Movie studios should not be able to give an actor top billing if they are barely in the movie. That is my thought. This movie basically follows various high school kids through their fucked up sexual encounters. This movie tried really hard to be Y.P.F, but it fell short HARD.

There is one section of this movie that is pretty funny. There are various sections with Matthew Lillard that are educational. He plays himself and he basically gives people sexual advice. It is really only funny because he is a complete train wreck and why would anyone take advice from him.

At no point is this movie worth watching. There wasn't one single hot guy that took his shirt off and all the hot chicks hooked up with fat guys. What is up with that? Oh, and as if the rubber vagaina, the girl screwing a blue ball puppet, and the guy blowing blueberry muffin mix out his ass weren't bad enough, they break out into song and sing about this guys tiny penis.

Wow, just way bad. I would skip this one completely. Thank god Michael Cera has done so much more since this. I have no idea how he bounced back.

I give this one a 2 because I didn't shut it off. Shame on me.

The Weight of Water

The Weight of Water stars Sean Penn, Sarah Polley, Catherine McCormack, and Elizabeth Hurley. It is the story of two couples who go on a boating trip to research the murder of 2 women that happened in 1873.

I have seen this movie many times, but it is one of those movies that I forget that I have seen until it is right in front of my face. I really like this movie and I really don't know why. It has adultery, incest, and murder which might make me freak for thinking that is interesting.

I really like Sarah Polley and I wish that she would do more projects. Catherine McCormack is really excellent in this movie was well. She hasn't really done much in this decade and that is sad because she is a great actress.

Anyone who hasn't seen this movie might want to give it a go. There is some suspense and intrigue and you get to see Liz Hurley's boobs so, that is a plus for any man.

I give this one a 6.5

I know that I have seen this movie.  I know because Jack told me. However, I do not remember anything about this movie.  WOW. I'm gonna have to watch it again.  

My Live In Ruins

What Jack says.......

My Live In Ruins stars Nia Vardalos and Richard Dreyfuss. It is the story of a history teacher from America that moves to Greece and gets laid off from her job at the University. To make ends meet she takes a job as a tour guide.

Nia Vardalos has tried so hard to recapture the greatness of My Big Fat Greek Wedding that it is painful. She has truly done some terrible projects, but this one was probably her best effort since. She was cute and charming and everything we expect from her.

Richard Dreyfuss is disgusting and I can't stand him. He plays the slap stick comic relief in this movie and it doesn't work. It never does! He has been playing the old koot since What About Bob and it is getting old. This movie would have been much better minus him.

Now let's get to the part where the scary hairy bus driver turns out to be mega hot. I saw that one coming out of the gate. Alexis Georgoulis plays this character and he isn't really that hot, but for this movie he is pretty hot. He takes his shirt off, gets wet, and wears a suit. You know how I feel about that. He certainly kept my attention.

Overall, this movie was alright and definitely a good effort. It was absolutely better then I Hate valentines Day because that movie was barf O' rific!

I give this one a 5

A 5 REALLY?!?!?!?!?  Nope sorry.  This movie was a total bust.  It was ridiculous and tired.  Um maybe just try to be a person, instead of trying to be a freaking Greek woman every single second of the freaking day.  God. Alright already.  We get it.  Yay be proud of your heritage, but seriously don't beat it like a dead horse.  Enough. 

I'd give it a 1.  Poop!!!!

Lovely & Amazing

What Jack says.......

Lovely & Amazing stars Catherine Keener, Emily Mortimer, and Brenda Blethyn. This is your basic tale of women coming of age, issues with weight and parenting. Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah.

I started this movie this morning and when I was about 10 minutes in I realized I had already seen it. I skipped through the rest of the movie to jog my memory and I figured out this movie was not good. You know it is bad when you re-record something and you forget entirely that you have already seen it. Clearly there wasn't anything memorable about it.

Overall I give this one a 2

Wow, I hate to be so negative, but Catherine Kenner and the woes of parenting, not my cup of tea.  It makes my toe nails itch just thinking about it.  

Terminator Salvation

What Jack says......

So , I have seen Terminator Salvation before, but lately HBO has been playing it like gay clubs give out blow jobs. It is seriously on all the time.

I saw this movie in the theatre twice and that was not necessarily because I wanted to. I saw it the first time at the real theater with all the surround sound greatness and then at the drive in. I would not suggest it at the drive in over all the chatter of small children, and loud amps and headlights shining through the screen. It sort of killed the effect. Plus the sound is horrible even if you are playing it through your car stereo.I also watched it following The Hangover, so it paled in comparison.

Let's get down to the gritty details and say that the best part about this movie is the fact that Sam Worthington takes his shirt off. He should be naked all the time. Although whoever told him that he could do an American accent should be shot. It shines through in all his roles and he just needs to quit it. Foreign accents are hot. That is a fact.

This movie would have been totally amazing if Christian Bale had taken his shirt off in the same scene as Sam Worthington. My head would have exploded all over the windshield. They would make a super pretty man couple.

In the end this movie is highly entertaining if you just want a good old action flick with a little bit of story arking.

I give this one a 7

Eat, Pray, Love

What Jack says........

OK so let me just get this one out in the open. I have not seen nor will I ever see this heaping pile of shit. I don't even know what this movie is about and I hate it already. I was with Hari in the movie theatre before it came out and she was just screaming at the poster asking it why it would ever become a movie since the book was so horrible. It was actually pretty funny.

From a glimpse of the trailer I thought there was some smokin' hot guy in it that I thought might serve as a reason to see it, but now I am looking at the cast list and the for the life of me I can't figure out who it is. I pretty much avoid anything with Julia Roberts like the plague. I am going to quote Lord of the Rings and say that they need to "cast it into the fiery chasm from whence it came" because I am convinced that she is the devil. I will give her credit for Pretty Woman because that movie is ridiculously entertaining, but that is it. 

There is only one movie in which I don't want to chop her head off and that movie is Closer. The only reason I don't want her dead in that movie is because I feel she plays herself which is a horrible, unflattering, cheating, liar of a woman and I think that fits. 

So, in conclusion I don't care how much the critics love this movie I won't be seeing it. Die Julia and stop making movies.  

Killshot

What Hari Says...

Killshot.  Not good, just not good.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt is yumalicious, but the acting is bad, the story is weird, and it just wasn't good.  The Toronto Mafia, really?  That doesn't really sound scary, eh.  I'm just not all aboooot it.  

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

What Jack says......

I was totally going to record this movie and then I realized it was retarded. Hari, you will seriously watch anything. I won't be watching this one. Not even for free.

What Hari Says...

I had to look on Amazon and see what genre they put this movie down as.  I was pretty sure it was supposed to be a comedy, but I just thought it was sad.  The typical bachelor party gone wrong movie.  Total douche bag dude takes "the good guy" to a strip club and they get in trouble with the "cool girl girlfriend".  Like yeah, if you just hadn't lied to me, I would totally be ok with you fucking other girls the night before the wedding!  Really!!??!!  

I did like the Jesse Bradford story line, where he is scarred from a cheating girlfriend and he hates all women, but falls in love with the gritty, yet gorgeous stripper.  That was kinda funny.  I liked that she talked shit back to him.  But it wasn't enough to save the movie. 

What did almost save the movie was the midget sex scene.  That was FUNNY.  But it got short sheeted by the beat up dopey groom who is all pissed off cuz his douche bag friends bailed on him.  (eye roll).  Lame.  I did not like that the midget stripper had those toe sock things.  Those are disgusting and as soon as I'm in charge we are having a mass burning of those and the dude that invented them is getting his intestines pulled out and burned while he is still alive.  

Poo Warning.  If you have a sensitive stomach, the diarrhea scene made me physically ill.  I'm pretty tough when it comes to stuff like that, but WOW that was freaking nasty.  It was funny as hell that Tracie Lords plugged the toilet. Butt that was some nasty shit!  Literally!! :))

                                 

                                                               Overall, another 5.  Just eh....

Unthinkable

What Hari Says...

I checked this movie out because in an obsessive moment I put all of Brandon Routh's movies in my netflix queue.  Brandon, aka. new Superman, was in it for about 3 minutes total, boo.  Seriously, how hard is it to just take off your shirt?  Come on!!    However, I was pleasantly surprised to see that Carrie Ann Moss was in it.  I like her.  Also, and it took me a while, but Michael Sheen is in it.  I don't understand how he can be so freaking smoking hot as a lycan in Underworld fucking 27 whatever, and look like a CPA, competitive crossword puzzler, in every other movie he is in.  But beyond that he is a good actor and I buy him in what he does.  The flaw in this movie is that it went on for too long.  It could have been 20 to 30 minutes shorter and I wouldn't have missed a thing.  The torture was cool, but Sam, my man L. Jackson should stick to comic book movies.  I'm not sure I really see him as a real person anymore.  I don't believe it.  I know Jack HATES him.  But I like him as super villains or other fantasy characters.  Not as a real dude, who I'm supposed to believe could live next door to me.  Nope sorry, wouldn't happen, couldn't happen.  Unthinkable started out good, it held my attention until it got monotonous and repetitive, then it just got wacky.  I know the final outcome was supposed to be "unthinkable", but by then I was ready to nuke the whole lot of them to get it over with!  

I'd give this movie a 5.  It had some good, it had some bad.  Ehhhhh.....

Pirate Radio

What Hari Says...

This movie reminds me of being in High School.  (I know the movie is set in the 60's but I relate to the 90's.)  The early 90's were so great for music.  People were passionate and believed that they were doing something worthwhile to make the world a more beautiful place.  Not like now, where music is made as a vehicle to  flash  pussy on the screen.  I miss those days.  What happened Grunge followers?  Where are you?  Fucking sellouts!!  

Anywaaaays.... Pirate Radio.  I loved it from beginning to end.  It was funny and even the parts that were unbelievable and kinda awkward were still sweet and kinda fit.  Also, I love how Emma Thompson and Kenneth Branagh can be divorced but still come together to make fantastic projects.  I really wish they would get back together.  Again, another reason why the 90's were magical.  Ahhhhh.... (fairy dust, fairy dust, fairy dust). 

Oh crap!  I almost forgot one of the best reasons to watch this movie, Phillip Seymour Hoffman.  He is the best.  I love that he looks like he smells like butt cheese but I would still totally hang out with him.  He is one of the best actors ever, ok so I'll forget that I watched that four hundred and eighty hour long movie he made about some play he was directing and they made the play like real life... OMG!  Yeah, that was a waste of my life, but not Pirate radio.  It was a great movie.  

Oh crap again!  This movie also has Bill Nighy.  He is so groovy.  He is a fantastic actor as well!  So if you are looking for stars, this one has all the ones who can still act.  

Overall, I would give this movie a 10.  I can't wait to watch it again.  

Oh and the music was amazing, also.  

Keith

What Jack says......

Yes I did pester Hari to watch this movie because I love Jesse McCartney so much. He is so yummy and I can say that ladies because he is over 20 now. It is open season on that shit. I love the classic tale of the hot smart girl falling of the kinda wierd guy that lives in a trailer park sort of thing. It is like Pretty In Pink, but backwards and way more sad. I completely agree with Hari that this one is heartwarming and sensitive. I cried at this one and I will admit it. Oh, and there is this semi hot sex scene in the back of his truck that made me shiver. I want to bite his ribs. So, in the end I really liked this one and I think I should record it again.

Overall I give this one an 8

What Hari Says...

Overall, I'd give it a 7.  It was good and eh.. it was good.  

The Eclipse

What Hari Says...

Hmmmmmmmmmm....  I started this movie a few nights ago and laying in bed in the dark I saw the jerky shadow ghost and almost pooped myself so I had to turn it off and watch it in the daytime.  Turns out that was the best part of this movie.  The story was disjointed and confusing.  A widower with two children drives authors around.  He picks up this author who writes about ghosts and "suddenly" (insert eye roll here) he starts seeing the ghost of his not yet dead father in law.  The ghost popping out unexpectedly was scary but not good enough to make up for the weirdness and general HUH? feeling the rest of the movie gives you.  

Overall, I'd give this a 2.  General letdown.  

Teeth

What Hari Says...

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!  This movie was HYSTERICAL!  So this chick, Dawn,  has a genetic mutation and has shark teeth in her hooohaaa!  Matt from Nip Tuck plays a dirty, nasty skeez of a half brother, trying to get in her pants.  Dawn gets molested and raped by various dumbass dudes and her vajaja BITES off their peckers.  Seriously, does it get any better?  It was gross and bloody, so in my book an A+!!  Oh Oh oh here is an example of some of the dialogue, "oh yeah, baby.  Yes! Yes! AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! CHOMP!!!!! plop."
 She totally needs to own that shit and go on a rampage!!
Teeheehee...  

Overall, I'd give it a 6.  I wouldn't go out and buy it, but I'd recommend it to others.  

Kick-Ass

What Jack Says.......

There are two words to describe this movie, Loved It! You thought I was going to say Kick Ass huh? You see how I did that?

No seriously this movie was amazing. It looks good from the trailers, but I had no idea how good it could really be. It completely blew my mind. They do shit in this movie that I just simply have never seen before. Hit Girl is officially the most bad ass action hero ever! This movie pulled out all the stops. The directing, script and score were awesome to boot! I can't say enough good things about this flick.

One side note. Nick Cage's disgusting turkey waddle of neck surprised me. I knew he was getting up in the years, but seriously if I had watched this movie in 3D I would have feared it jumping off the screen and eating me.

I give this one a solid 9. My best score yet!

What Hari Says..

Kick-Ass is a movie about a teen who wants to be a super hero. His first attempt leaves him badly beaten, with nerve damage and a renewed sense of heroism. Aaron Johnson, the actor who plays Kick-Ass, is super hot. I loved him in Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging. I am kind of scandalized that he is 20 and married to a 43 year old. Not only that, but they just had a baby!! Zoiks!

Anywayssss..... This movie was great. Nick Cage dies, which was a pleasant change from his usual screwing of hot chicks 30 years younger than him. Sorry if I ruined it for you, but if it was me, I'd watch it just because he dies! The story is funny, the action is fun and cool because most of the fight scenes are perpetrated by a 11 year old girl! Awesome!


Overall, I give this movie a 9. Not the greatest movie I've ever seen, but a really good one that I would like to add to my library.

Julie & Julia

What Jack Says...

Julie & Julia stars Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. It is the story of a woman who decides to tackle all of the recipes in Julia Child's first book and she begins a blog that later becomes a book. It also follows Julia Child during that time in her life.

Meryl Streep is a genius. You give her lemons and she makes lemonade every time. I completely loved her in this movie and the chemistry between Stanley Tucci and herself was captivating. I wanted so much more of the Julia Child portions of the movie.

I was not so thrilled with the Amy Adams parts of the movie. I typically like her very much, but she came off as whiny and unskilled in this project. Not every part was horrible, but I pretty much just wanted her to get off the screen so they could go back to Meryl Streep.

This movie had its highs and lows and in the end I won't be running out to see it again.

Overall I give this one a 5

What Hari Says...

I loved this movie the first time I saw it.  It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me want to cook.  The second time I saw it, I wanted to kick Amy Adams in the face with my golf shoes on.  What the hell!  Seriously, whinny much!   ARG!!!!  I still love Meryl Streep.  She is amazing.  She obviously can do anything and she continues to prove it.  Also, I need to say how much I love Stanley Tucci.  He is great.  He is an awesome bad guy and a sweet and wonderful good guy!  

This movie did inspire me to make boeuf bourguignon.  I made it and it was AMAZING!!!  I made the Anthony Bourdain one and not the Julia Childs one though.  

Overall, I'd give this movie a 6.  I will try to remember how much I loved it after the 1st time I saw it.  

The Kids Are All Right

The Kids Are All Right stars Mark Ruffalo, Annette Benning, Jullianne Moore and Mia Wasikowska. This is the story of a lesbian couple that chose to use a sperm donor to father their two children. One of the children decides that she is old enough to know who her real father is and contacts him. This decision turns all of their lives completely upside down.

I will say what no one else wants to say. Annette Benning and Jullianne Moore as a couple is slightly strange. I really don't like Annette Benning and this movie didn't change my mind about that.

Now onto the good stuff. Mark Ruffalo gets naked. Yep naked. No full frontal or anything, but pretty damn close. He is amazingly husky and that hairy chest of his makes my webbed toes tingle. I want to bite his chest. You know what makes this movie even better? He gets naked more then once. Bam!

This movie was sweet and to the point and I like that sort of thing. There was no guessing about what was going on because it was all out on the table. The end was just so so, but I don't really know what I was expecting. The performances all the way around were memorable and I see some serious Oscar buzz developing around this one.

Overall I give this one an 8

Charlie St. Cloud

Charlie St. Cloud stars Zac Efron and Amanda Crew. This is the story of a young man who gets into a car accident that consequentially kills his younger brother. Prior to his brothers death he made a promise to always play catch with him at the same time everyday. After the accident Charlie starts to interact with dead people, including his younger brother. There is a secondary side plot including his love interest Amanda Crew.

Let's be honest here. The only reason I even drove to the theatre, purchased a ticket and watched this movie is because Zac Efron is delicious. This is a movie that includes water so I knew from the start he would be wet and he would have his shirt off at least once. The wonderful thing is Zac completed my three prerequisites; he wore a suit, he took his shirt off and he cried. The fact that he was wet 70% of the movie was just icing on the cake. Zac efron has muscles in his back that I didn't even know existed.

The plot overall was pretty lame and really predictable. There was one tiny twist that took me by surprise, but that was probably because I was so preoccupied with looking at Zac in tight wet shirts that I missed it. If Zac had not been in this movie I would probably say it was one of the worst movies I had ever seen. Amanda Crew was possibly the worst casting choice I have ever seen. I will give Zac credit for his performance because as always he did a really great job with the material he was given. Let's just hope that he gets better at picking his projects. He is still young and he can bounce back from this flop.

Overall I give this one a 4

Chloe

Chloe stars Jullianne Moore, Liam Neeson, and Amanda Seyfried. The basic gist is that a wife (Moore) suspects that her husband (Neeson) is having an affair so she hires a prostitute (Seyfried) to come onto him to see what he does.

This was an uncharacteristic role for Amanda Seyfried. She generally plays wholesome good girls like in Big Love or Mama Mia. In this movie she is immensely sensual and manipulative. Most people heard of this movie because of the sex scene between Jullianne and Amanda and that is pretty much all that is memorable. There are some pretty hot scenes between Amanda and Liam, but they pale in comparison to the girl on girl scenes. I didn't have really high expectations for this movie so when it ended anticlimactically, I wasn't surprised.

Overall I give this one a 3

The Final Destination

What Jack Says...

Do I really need to say what this movie is about? Every one of these movies is exactly the same, but maybe that is why they are so highly entertaining.

This movie has everything that a Final Destination movie demands. Blood, hot guys with their shirts off, and girls in their underwear. Ahhhhhhh it can't get any better then that.

Overall I give this one a 6

What Hari Says...

I LOVE LOVE LOVED this movie!  It was absolutely hysterical!!  The part where the guy gets squished through the chain link fence like playdough, was FANTASTIC!  I have no idea who the kids are, nor do I care if I ever see them again. They were ok, but nothing special.  The gory special effects were what this movie was all about any way, and I have to say I appreciated them.  

I would give this movie an 8.  I wouldn't mind owning it, but I'm not gonna pay more than 5 bucks for it.  

Youth In Revolt

What Jack Says...

Youth In Revolt stars Michael Cera and Portia Doubleday. It is the story of a young man who is desperately seeking the woman of his dreams. He eventually meets a girl that he really likes so he creates a French alter ego to help make her his.

As always Michael Cera is clumsily sexy. He always seems so odd and uncomfortable, but somehow that makes him more lovable.


Miguel Arteta, who also directed The Good Girl, yet again did an effortless job of creating a world for relatable characters. This movie was funny, loveable, and dramatic when it needed to be.

Overall I give this one a 7

What Hari Says...

I don't know what Jack is talking about!  A 7 really!?!  I thought this was one of the best movies I've seen in a long while.  I am developing a strange and awkward and somewhat inappropriate crush on Michael Cera.  I already have a dirty, smelly and yes, inappropriate crush, on Zack Galifianakis.   This story was wonderful.  It was relatable and  gave the feeling of, "If I could just let go, I would so do this..."  It was super funny and kept me enthralled.  I loved it.  

I would give this one a 10.  I would buy this one to keep forever and ever!